“The heart that chose to embrace him can exile him”, she said while she was explaining her view on love with her colleague who refuses to write the epilogue of the endless book where she goes on and on about how her insensitive husband left her.
She elaborated on that, saying that there is so absolute selfless act a human ever does, and that includes love. We only love who is delicate to our hearts, and once they start to feed venom to our blood, the brave-hearted would leave, and those who remain are the ones who give weakness the throne to rule their kingdom. She tried to explain that the key to rational love is loving oneself first, then being able to love another without acting recklessly and self-destructively.
“I do not deny love, it is mystic. What I do deny is, the love that makes us lose ourselves. And that, I think, is not love.” That being said, she tried to simplify her thoughts, mentioning that others may view them as absurd. She said that when a partner does wrong and all the doors that fix the broken pieces close, yet we still hang on to the mirage of what used to be, it is then we lose ourselves. She repeated “love is not supposed to be painful” few times while clarifying her perception. What echoed and orbited in her colleague’s mind was when she said that if the broken pieces don’t fit, you throw them away.
Her colleague remained quiet, thinking back to all the things she did trying to find him. And as she did, she lost her identity, which is why she is free-falling into an abyss. The problem she faced was that grief became a part of her identity; she felt safe hanging on to it, and was so afraid of taking the step of letting go.
“You’re right” she said, “I loved him so much, that I forgot the path to loving myself.”
© 2013 ALIA SULTAN